7 thecommunityconnections.com 845-371-2222 | January 8, ‘25 twelve equals forty-eight and an even bigger pack which has only ten rolls which clearly is labelled as equal to fifty-two. I try to remember my math from school, where I clearly recall learning that one equals one, no more and no less. I was taught to understand that one was one, and could not be anything more unless something was added to it. It made sense then, but I was either smarter or more gullible, I am not sure which. It’s been a long time since then, so I do not give myself the benefit of the doubt. I ponder over where this chaos of numbers began. I think it followed the new phenomena ‘fake news,’ which was politely legitimized as ‘alternative facts. Before that, emes and sheker were two opposing entities, like oil and water, which never could be mixed. When a little bit of sheker infiltrated emes the emes was recognized as full-fledged sheker. Once this basic rule was broken, and ‘alternative facts’ became respectable, then anything and everything became subject to change. I clumsily try to measure two packs to estimate which weighs more. I study the tubes in the rolls. One has a bigger tube and less paper, while the other has less paper but a bigger roll, or one has a …I am very disoriented by now, and my shopping spree has only begun. Do I choose the six which is really eighteen or the eighteen which equals thirty-eight? I curiously look to check for any indications as to how many tissues there are on a roll to give me an idea if I am overpaying or if it’s a steal, but then again, I give up because if eight is sixteen, or ten, or whatever number, I still need to know what eight is- and that is up to the imagination. I buy the pack which has the soft looking bunny on it, rather than the one with the cat. I feel like crying out with frustration, which reminds me to stock up on nasal tissues. One company has nine boxes in a pack, twelve in a pack or six in a pack and other boring details. Each of the multi packs of tissue boxes have different amounts of tissues per box. Some boxes are like two boxes or maybe …who knows how much? Unless one is a Rhodes scholar, or is prepared to block the aisles while using a calculator, that is if one even knows how to figure out the equations, winter will be over by the time they figure out the true numbers. I cut my decision- making short and pick the boxes with the butterflies. With that mission accomplished, I move on to the laundry detergent. Now I am convinced that numbers are truly (or alternative truly) a fantasy. They can be turned into whatever one wants them to be. One day consumers and manufacturers will compromise about what equals what. In the meantime, I am clueless about any (possible) savings. The detergents come in a ray of colors. Red plastic containers, yellow, green and purple containers with numbers and XXX’s, which means that a multi XXX container needs to use that many times less detergent, which I understand makes the one in my hand have the capacity for three hundred loads, even though the container is the size of a drinking glass. There is a bigger one nearby, but it only has one hundred loads. Others have ten times more whitening power. Each one boasts a unique feature which the other fails to contain. Some have smaller lids to measure out the quantities. I count and count until I have no fingers left, leaving me with no choice but to point and say ‘Eeny meeny, miny, moe!’ My finger lands on the red detergent bottle which does not have the whitening, but comfortingly informs me that it is ‘phosphate free’ (whatever that means), and which is equal to fifty loads- if one uses a thimble as a measuring cup. I check the flyers again and see the coffee winking to me. In the winter my coffee consumption doubles, equaling to two time as much as the rest of the year, or maybe four times, (that is if two equals four). My head spins so badly by now that I crave a coffee. I roll the cart and stop to muse the yellow price tag. On the shelf lie cute miniatures of the bottles I regularly use, and at first estimate I figure that they may contain at most three tablespoons of coffee. They are half the price of the coffee I bought in the last sale, but a quarter of the size. They are tiny, but the choice is huge. BY CHANA LEBOVITS With chicory, without chicory, caffeine free, original, exotic or if I am ready to spend more to impress others, then for an extra few dollars I can have the one with a gold seal (which, by the way is not edible). It needs a reincarnation of Albert Einstein to do the reckoning of how much this will cost me, and whether my purchases will last me a week or a year. I brace ahead for the register, debating whether I am saving one hundred, which is really three hundred dollars, or if I am paying four hundred which is really eight hundred dollars. My carriage squeaks even louder with its content as I move on to the grocery to buy myself some comfort food to enjoy when I return home. A container of yoghurt and a croissant will serve the purpose. I look through the exhibits called yogurt. Really, I could ask them to deliver it to me, and just push it into my mail slot, where it could fit, with space to spare. I am hungry and weary by now, so I opt to take some containers home. They shrank in size since my last purchase, but I am lucky that they keep the old prices. I hold three containers in the palm of one hand, and feel like a glutton, but I must admit that that is how much it takes to satisfy my appetite and allow me to have enough yogurt to eat with my croissant. After discovering that one can equal three, I turn the equation to suit me and justify that if I eat three it is as if I eat one. Write it, Pen it …. Or WOW IT!!! Express yourself with poems, essays, documents… with a unique twist. Chana Lebovits 514 2734047 ozer514@gmail.com
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